It never gets easier

Emotionally none of this gets any easier. I wish I could say it does, but each day something happens that just breaks my heart all over again. I don't know about other people and how they handle tragedies. How do these people rise above it all? For me, some days it seems to get harder instead of easier.

Last Tuesday, I went down to the Edith Ball Pool to help with the Tucson Safe Kids Water Safety program. This event was a culmination for over 800 first graders, who had been learning about safety and especially water safety in their classrooms. It was wonderful to see the kids so intent on learning all about water safety, but what broke my heart was when I looked up and saw several of the adult chaperones, disconnected and bored.

I wanted to scream, this is why Ethan is in the condition he is in, because someone got distracted, bored or was just plain disinterested in watching him.

Our children want to be safe, they want to learn, they want us to guide them and teach them the right way. We are supposed to set the example and set them on the right path.

They rely on the adults in their lives to watch over them, to protect them, and if you are not going to do so, then you have no business watching children or being responsible for them.

So here I am again spending the weekend watching Ethan, so Rose can work a little part-time job and get a little money in her pocket. Last night she comes home, and I can see she is tired and upset.

When I ask her what's wrong, she tells me that Friday she was listening to a local radio show and they had the guy, John Kelly from the Salvation Army on air, this is the guy who was supposed to be watching Ethan last year, and there he was on air promoting their charity fund raiser.

Normally, I'm all for an organization to raise funds to help people, but this organization and their carelessness is the reason Ethan nearly drowned, and yet they have not lifted a single finger to help us financially, or any other way for that matter.

When Ethan was at UMC members of the Salvation Army, came to the hospital and told my daughter that whatever she needed, whatever Ethan needed, they would take care of.

Well here it is almost 11 months later and they have not kept their word to help, instead they are on the radio promoting their organization and asking for money from the public.

Yes, I'm mad as hell over this. It tore me up to see my daughter so upset. I know how upset I would have been, had I heard this, and so I can only imagine how painful it must have been for her. It must have been like a slap in the face.


I know what you're thinking, that I should forgive and that the money they are raising is going to help other families, and maybe it is. But it doesn't change the situation; I wake up every day in the same nightmare.

All I know is that my grandson is not the same and that his injuries were 100% preventable and I know that he needs, desperately needs the benefits from hyperbaric oxygen treatments, and he hasn't been able to get those treatments since October of 2009.

All I know is that while I'm struggling to try to help my daughter and to raise money for Ethan's hyperbaric treatments. I've yet to hear an apology from the people responsible for his condition. I've yet to have anyone of them ask how they can help.

All I know is that the youth members of the Salvation Army have wanted to help with fund-raising and have been shut down and told that they could not help us.

Since I started the web page and the wristbands, we have raised approximately $452. We are thankful for everyone who has donated, but it's not nearly enough to get Ethan back into the hyperbaric chamber.

There was such a dramatic improvement after just the one round of hyperbaric, that I can't wait to get him back into treatments.

I know I'm supposed to forgive, God knows I know that I should be able to forgive.
But what can I say, I'm only human, and this is my only grandchild.

Learning the Ropes

After spending most of day walking in my daughter's shoes, I have renewed respect for all my daughter goes through. I mean, I know she's here for Ethan, day in and day out, but it's one thing to know it and another to experience it first hand.

Today I got to walk in her shoes because I wanted to 'learn the ropes' as it were. That I could be more prepared and able to help her care for Ethan. Once I earn my stripes, I might be able to convince her to take some much needed respite and care for herself.


Today's adventures of Grandma and Ethan, including Grandma driving Ratatouille to pick Ethan up from school, learning to work the lift and tie downs. Then off to speech therapy, where Ethan was in a pretty silly mood, but still worked hard. It was a long and tiring day for Ethan, but he was such a good sport about everything.

After speech therapy, it was time to go home and get bathed, and ready to relax for the night.
So here we are on a Friday night chillin' together watching "The Muppets Take Manhattan" hearing his spontaneous laughter at the antics of Kermit and Miss Piggy really warm my heart.

It may have been a long day, and I may be tired, but I can't think of any place else I'd rather be than with Ethan, enjoying Friday movie night.

Helping with water safety

Today for the first time in a long time, I felt pretty good about water safety. I met with some folks from the Drexel Heights Fire Department and volunteered by getting bags together for their event next Tuesday.

The bags were these cute bright yellow tote bags. Each bag included a Safe Kids Towel, an adorable duck hat and some safety brochures.

The even next week will be for over 800 Tucson area 1St graders. They will go through several stations learning all about water safety.

I will be there for a few hours mid-morning and I've been assigned to water safety pledges. If even one child will be saved and one family prevented from having to go through the hell, it will be worth it.

Usually, I love the warm weather but this year I feel sort of haunted. I know it's not healthy to live my life in fear, and I don't know if fear is even the right word for it.
I just know I'm feeling pretty emotional right now and don't want to have to turn on the news and hear about another family having to deal with the stress of a drowning or near-drowning.

Please continue to help spread the word and assign a water watcher whenever youngster are around any type of water.

Safety Steps and Wristbands

I'm so excited the wristbands we ordered for Ethan's Buddies are en route and should be here on Friday.

My desire for the wristbands is that they not only help fund raise to alleviate the tremendous financial burden this has placed on my daughter as she cares for Ethan. But that it also promotes water safety awareness.

It's important that everyone be alert and aware every time your loved ones are around water.
Never assume someone else is watching the children. Diligently watch every child near water.

Contrary to what people believe, drowning is a quick and silent killer.

There are 3 ACTION STEPS you can take to prevent drownings.

1. Protection






2. Supervision






3. Preparation

Protect your children by:

• putting alarms on doors and windows - especially the doggy door




• install a non-climbable five foot fence that separates the pool and spa from the rest of the house/yard




• use self-closing, self-latching gates




• install pool safety covers




• maintain all safety devices




• routinely check that you have secured and locked all doors and windows leading to the pool/spa




• drain standing water from pool/spa covers




• never leave toys in or around the pool

Supervise your children:

• assign an adult "WATER WATCHER" who knows how to swim to supervise the pool/spa area.




• assign a second adult as the "CHILD WATCHER" this person must maintain visual contact with all children in the pool/spa area




• don't distract your "Water Watcher" and "CHILD WATCHER"




• if there is a pool party or lots of children near or in the water, use multiple "CHILD WATCHERS"




• never leave a child alone near any water




• don't rely on swimming lessons




• don't allow children to play in the pool/spa area




• if you lose sight of a child check the water first
  

Be Prepared to help your children:

• learn how to swim




• get CPR and first aide Certified




• mount rescue equipment near the pool (lifesaving ring, shepherd's hook, CPR how to sign)




• teach everyone how to use the safety equipment and how to call 911




• know the skill level of your child's caregivers if you are letting them attend a group swim activity and you will not be present.

What to do if you find a child in a pool:

1. yell for help and clear the pool, everyone should get out of the pool and onto the deck




2. if you have someone with you, have them call 911 while you attend to the child




3. if you are alone, and the child is not breathing start CPR, after one minute call 911 then resume CPR and continue until help arrives.

Getting used to sharing

For the past 10 months, I feel like I've been dealing with this situation alone. Yeah sometimes I let go and let it out. Usually with my closest friends. But the hardest thing is talking to other family members. It seems like we are all trying to be strong for each other, and I don't think that is the best thing we could be doing. I think there might be some healing if we could somehow grieve together.

If I feel this way, I can only imagine how my daughter must be feeling. As strange as it is, I find it hard to open up and share with her, and I feel she is trying to handle everything on her own.

I know you're probably thinking I shouldn't be grieving at all, after all Ethan is alive, so shouldn't I be grateful for that? But I think grief is the right word, and the right emotion. Ethan is a alive and I am very grateful for that. I also believe he will be restored, but that doesn't diminish the grief.


It still hurts so much not to have Ethan the way he was. I miss who Ethan was, I miss the way we would hang out together and the little things that were just ours (secrets, giggles and all fun stuff you don't tell your parents)

So while yesterday was Easter, and I am once again reminded that Jesus died for our sins and for our healing. It was still a difficult holiday to get through. I mean I am after all human, and all I could think of was how I spent it the year before with Ethan.

So many of my thoughts these days are divided into two categories, before and after the incident. I call it an incident because I struggle with what to call it. I don't want to say accident, and yet part of me thinks that it was an accident. I don't think anybody got up that day and said "Today I will be careless and cause harm to a little boy" but at the same time what happened was so totally preventable, it doesn't seem right to call it an accident.

Whatever you want to call it, the fact remains. My life has changed in ways no one who hasn't gone through this type of thing can understand. Ethan's life of course has changed the most and the frustrating thing is I don't know who to go to for help or where to turn.

There are so many things my daughter is having to deal with and so many financial burdens, I'm trying to help as much as I can, but I am growing increasing frustrated at my inability to drive change and find resources and solutions.

Oh Lord I need your strength, guidance and wisdom now more than ever.

Why We're Here

This blog has been created to share our family's story, it's one of tragedy and of hope. Of a mother's love, for her son, and for that son's tremendous spirit that shall not be dampened.

It's hard for us to share, so be patient, while we collect our thoughts and share our story with you.

Ethan's Story

Ethan, is my grandson, and the most beautiful child you'd ever want to meet. He's fighting back from an anoxic brain injury as a result of a near drowning, 10 months ago. These last 10 months have been some of the most difficult times of my life.


I don't even know how to begin sharing, what my family has gone through, so I suppose I should tell the story from my point of view.

Tuesday June 2, 2009, barely the start of summer but in Tucson, the temps were already in the 100's. Sitting in my air conditioned office, I was unaware of the soaring temperatures outside.

Yet, I vividly remember that summer afternoon, I was at my desk with a few minutes to spare before a meeting. I decided to check out some activities that Ethan, my grandson, might enjoy on our upcoming trip to Florida.

It would be the first trip to Florida for all of us, (Ethan, my daughter Rose, and me) and I was terribly excited, not only because we were going to a destination wedding of some dear friends, but we were going to take a few extra days and really enjoy a family vacation. One that was long over due.

I was busy looking as some water activities and a pirate ship tour. My excitement was mounting and I couldn't wait to share some ideas for our trip with Rose and Ethan. Ethan was so heavy on my mind as I was looking at all the fun activities I could almost hear him splashing about in the water.

Lost in fantasy about our upcoming vacation I was pulled back to reality when my outlook reminder for my meeting popped up. I headed down the hall to the boardroom, and then realized I had left my cell phone on my desk, so I returned to retrieve it. Not sure why I did that, as it was my usual habit not to worry about it.

By 3:30 I was concentrating on our sub-committee meeting and the status of our volunteer recruitment efforts, when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Usually, I will ignore my phone, when in a meeting but something made me look to see who was calling. When I saw it was a friend of my daughter’s I left the meeting to take the call.

Phillip never calls me, so I knew something was up. My thoughts raced to my daughter, who in 2008 had become so sick with Lemierre's syndrome, we almost lost her.

The next few seconds would change my life forever; I don’t even really recall what Phillip said to me, all I remember hearing was something about Ethan, drowning and UMC.

I ran down the hall to my desk, grabbed my purse and keys, barely stopping long enough to tell my boss, I had a family emergency.

I don’t remember the drive to the hospital; I just remember trying to reach my daughter or some member of my family on the phone, wanting to know what happened.

When I arrived at the hospital’s emergency room, they immediately took me back to this private family waiting room area, and no one would tell me what was going on. Where was my daughter? Where was Ethan?

I don’t know how long it took before they took me to where my daughter was waiting outside radiology.

I rushed to my daughter's side, with questions in my eyes. She couldn't respond, she was inconsolable, because there were no answers. Ethan was in critical condition. At that point no one really knew what happened and no one had any answers but what little information there was started making its way past the shock and horror.

I was told Ethan had been swimming with a group of kids at a summer day camp program, and somehow went under.

One of the other children, sounded the alarm, and a call was placed to 911. Apparently there was a fire station team in the area and they were able to respond within minutes, but were they fast enough?

From radiology, we were allowed to follow Ethan and his medical team up to the pediatric ICU. There we so many tubes and machines, it broke my heart.

As word spread members of our family rushed to the hospital in support. I couldn’t believe this was happening, and for the next several days our family practically moved into UMC.

I kept remembering that I was just with Ethan the night before, as Mondays were our traditional special time, while Rose went to bible study. Less than 24 hours ago we were playing video games, and laughing and teasing each other.

And now, there I was sitting at a hospital with my world turned upside down, wondering if he was even going to survive. At that point, survival was the only thing on my mind. I never stopped to think about any long term effects of his injuries. I just wanted to know he wouldn’t be going home to heaven.

Days turned into weeks and eventually Ethan was stable enough to be moved from ICU to the regular pediatric ward. At this point it was clear, that although Ethan was alive, he wasn’t the same child he was weeks earlier.

Little did I know then, what a long journey lay ahead.